Dear Bloggers,
Help! My house appears to have become an entomological nature reserve. After finding 25 cockroaches under a plastic shopping bag from Lidl on Saturday, I decided I really had to so something. The entire kitchen is now in a greater state of carbolicised sterility than the average operating theatre. Every nook and cranny has been filled with plaster to prevent access. The result? A team of ants moved in on Sunday to show solidarity with the oppressed cockroach community.
Having almost poisoned myself to death with spray, I began searching for a safer way to eliminate them. After a fortunate experiment, I discovered that pure alcohol kills cockroaches as well as any spray. I am a peaceful vegetarian and do not like killing things anyway, so I decided that, if you gotta go, what better way than to drown in a sea of pure alcohol? Imagine strolling around the Acropolis and suddenly seeing a giant hand appear from the sky. It dowses you in a vaste outpouring of ouzo. You descend into a sweet vortex of oblivion and next thing you know, you're wearing wings and playing a harp. So today, I send a few of the little buggers out of this world with a blast of booze. Unfortunately, a small accident with a lighted cigarette also saw me set fire to the coffee pot, my washing up liquid, the sink and the bottle of alcohol itself. I could give up smoking, I suppose, but let's not be unreasonable. Does anybody out there know how I could just reason with these visitors and get 'em to move out?
Many thanks, bloggers,
Kalhnyxta se olous, good night and nos da i chi gyd.
James
